"That" Time of Year

It's unavoidable.. the time of year where people jump on the biggest band wagon in the long and complicated history of band wagoning. That is of course Religion.
Not that I have any particular beef* with religion, but it has a tendency of standing for almost everything that I disagree with. To me it's more than a bit suspicious that as soon as i let slip that i think gay folk should be allowed to marry or that perhaps i kinda feel like murdering someone, that suddenly a religious institution draws up a law against it.
Now i have to wait until some women commits adultery before i can stone her to death. How can they possibly expect me to live under their unbending rules!

So this time of year I take a stand. I will not be one of those "part-time" atheists who give up their hatred for all things holy for a bit of turkey or perhaps a funny lookin' candle. i would find a legitimate way to remain anti-religion but of course still get turkey/candle without looking like a hypocrite. For those of you looking to do the same here are your options.



1) Unitarianism
So ever get a bit confused when you find out that Jesus is the son of god and in fact god himself? kinda makes you wonder... perhaps the relatively obvious question "who rose Jesus from the dead and subsequently to heaven if he in fact is god, and he had died" or ever find yourself thinking, "that old testament stuff is pretty crazy, can't we just pretend it doesn't exist?" if so then you should try Unitarianism! They ditched the old testament as well as for all intents and purposes, demoting Jesus to super hero, because (like i learned from highlander) there can be only one god.


2) Humanism
If for some reason you didn't read enough comics or bibles as a kid and have problems believing in super powers then this might be your cup of tea. the good points include having the same moral guidance that moderate Christians think they have, but without having to apologise to anyone when you fuck up. Bad points include a necessary grasp of correct punctuation, turns out that being "humanist" and being a "Humanist" are different things, so you may find yourself looking up which one you are when a census form comes around (as if the person reading it is going to make the distinction).



3) Apathiesm
This is kinda like the waster teenage son of Atheism. These are the people who have better things to do than wonder about god. the good points are that you have become Mormon Kryptonite! Not only have you not found Jesus but if he was dancing on your face, the power of your sheer apathy could kill him... again. bad points are that everyone hates you. If Theists and Atheists would join together for one reason it would be to get you to stop playing World of Warcraft for one bloody minute and either embrace or debunk god.

So what ever way you decided to scam your way to getting gifts for an imaginary persons birthday. Make sure you don't loose your integrity because being Indie and Religous ensures you miss out on being condensending to people not just about what they like to listen to but also what they beleive.

*just to let you know i was going to try and make a joke at that point about either meat on a Friday for Catholics or perhaps something to do with pork for Jews... but it wasn't funny enough, points for effort?.