Anti-social Networks

Popularity has always been a game in life for some. On the internet it's a religion. So let's look at the main offenders.

Facebook:

The Wall Mart of communication. The main goal of this network seems to be to add as many applications to your profile so as to render it useless and of no actual value to the world. It's the equivalent of carrying around with you all the personality and aptitude tests you've taken in your entire life and before introducing yourself to someone asking them to review these tests and take one themselves for a comparison. The interface is the easiest to use, though they don't allow for much creativity in the page layout (which can be a good thing).

Bebo:

If you went to your local pound store (or 99c store) and bought a social network, this'd be it. To win at this social network you have to show off better than everyone else. As soon as you do anything, comment on a photo, update your profile or look at a page the wrong way Bebo will inform everyone you know (and maybe some of those you don't) what you have done as if it were some sort of amazing revelation you had that the world needs to know about.

It's for a generation of people who seem to have equal interest whether celebrities kill someone or go to the toilet.

Myspace:

Give the world a webpage, and allow them to edit the code. The result, one in four pages are unreadable. But at least they're allowing some creativity.

To win at MySpace, fill out all the information it requests (height, weight, schools attended, job), then fill out and place on your profile all the surveys, tests and chain letters you receive. Flourish with large oversized pictures until opening the page causes browsers to crash.

Even with overlord Rupert Murdoch owning this and about 10 billion profiles on it, it still is the most useful for finding bands (though nothing else). I couldn't help feeling that the whole thing is just one big experiment to see how many ads people can be exposed to at once.

http://thosearentmuskets.com/sketches/internetparty2.html

The Great Indoors

Some observant folk may have noticed that I've been away for a while. To you I say; well spotted. To others, I say welcome to a more regular Pretentious Indie Boy blog. As it happens I still don't actually own a decent computer to combat this problem. I got a job in which i work, or at least pretend to work on a computer. So I hope to be able to get back to some entertaining Indie writing.

I think I can discuss firstly how to get yourself a good Indie job. Considering I now work in a particularly indie part of the software development industry I now add "Getting an indie job" to my areas of expertise.
Here is what you need to know to be in a job that you'd be proud not to lie to people about.

1) Location!

I'm sure many of you realize the possible pitfalls of a terrible location in the place where you will be spending most of your time. What if you work beside a trendy clothes shop or a fast food chain?! As well as the embarrassment that you'd suffer walking with someone else towards your work, you'd also have to deal with the sorts of people that would actually spend time around these types of shops; trendies; louts; and if your particularity unlucky.. the kind of people who watch reality TV.
So here are some things you should be near:
a) At least 2 indie coffee shops... in case one burns down, you have a backup.
b) 1 indie record store.. incase work folk want to join you for lunch, a swift dip into an indie record store will scare them off
c) A cultural venue; Gallery, Museum or indie cinema, somewhere to say you plan on going after work.
d) Within cycling distance from where you live. (I've discussed before problems with buses.. oh the hate!)

2) Company Size

Your company should of course be small.. But if it's a big one make sure it'll never become successful. As an employee you'll be able to destroy chances of their success from the inside.
But use it wisely.. While you don't want them to become too successful, you certainly don't want to be out of a job. This takes great skill and I would only advise it to be done by people who REALLY know their music.. and perhaps own some rare 70's records.

3) What they do

You know what makes a small company successful?.. innovation, novel idea's, hard work and of course moments of brilliance from employees. If you start noticing any of these, you're in trouble.. The company could suddenly break into the big time and you could be working for the next Microsoft! So remember, if you see a bright thoughtful employee in your company, dishearten them by putting down their ideas. Laugh away their plan to save the company 33% of their costs. Importantly, ridicule people that work too hard. After a while the company stop dreaming of being a rocket aimed into space and start floating like a canoe without paddles.

Perfect!