Communication $|{i|_|_$

National Identity is very important and having grown up in most beautiful of backwater European nations, i understand that i would not be as indie as i am today if i had to tell people i'm from one of the popular nations like the USA, China or England. This great advantage to my indie persona has until now been taken for granted and i feel, as someone gifted with the accent of a lesser nation that it is up to me to share with the poor indie population of the world weighed down by a cumbersome common passport polluting the inside of an otherwise very stylish velvet jacket.
so after some research I've discovered that it's language that's the key to indie nationality and here are the top indie languages for those of you looking to ditch your common tongue for something a little more acceptable to your indie peers.

|337:
aw.. "nerds". While these gentle, generally nocturnal creatures are a distant relative of the better known "Indie" phylum. They differ only in the most subtle of behaviour. competing and one-up-manship is observed in both, but with the "nerds" it is generally done for self gratification as opposed to the much more worth while task of becoming an enviable indie-lord in the eyes of ones peers. Nerds, in the 80's went to great lengths to create "leet" (|337) in order to encode their conversations. Great disappointment echoed throughout the nerd community when in the 90's it came to light that no one gave 2 shits about what they talk about.

Ogham:
The Celts really made sure this language was doomed from the beginning. Coupled the fact that to any passer by, Ogham just looks like what a dog would do if it tried to spell it's name, Ogham was generally only written on rocks or trees. Whoever it was that came up with the idea probably forgot about it a couple of hours later, which doesn't matter considering it has a readership of 1 pictured here


Cherokee:
With a speaking population of 22,000 and it's very own unique characters, this surely is a great one to learn, coupled with the fact American government is accidentally doing it's best to get that number right down to 0. In a short few years it could be the official language of the "indie people"



Dhivehi:
Have you ever been to the Republic of Maldives? Have you ever known anyone who has been there? Or perhaps a guy that knows a guy, that knows a guy that's been there?.... no? then you probably didn't know about Dhivehi either. The fact it's spoken by about 300,000 doesn't really matter when you consider that no one knows where the hell they are. Also note that it's the perfect language for the indie guy out there who already speaks Sinhalese!

Taki Taki:
This south American language may have only 120,000 speakers and is referred to by its not so politically correct name "negro-English" but theses come in at distant second to the main reason that this language is a contender for the top spot. this feather weight weighs in at only 340 words when you consider that English has 250,000. it becomes clear who would win over the indie crowd in what would be an uncontested bout... it would also finally make winning a vocabulary completion a real possibility even for those who's memory isn't so agile?



Hopelandic:
Iceland has an estimated population of 300,000. this of course makes it's language one of the more indie in Europe. but that just wasn't good enough some people. Jón Þór "Jónsi" Birgisson, one of the Indie icons of the 20th century, seemed to think that was about 299,999 too many. convincing them all to take up another language proved as big a task as Bjork's mom trying to convince her people that whale meat wasn't that great after all. So He put plan 'B' into operation and developed "Vonlenska"(Hopelandic). to ensure it remained as indie as possible he cleverly avoided using words and instead opting for the sound of dolphins mating as the basis for the language.

Glossolalia:
also known as "Speaking in tongues" this communication technique is one of the few (for good reason) that requires your body to be in spasm. This has hampered it's promulgation by the simple fact that it does not lend itself well to travel, asking a for directions for instance could result in you accidentally driving yourself off a cliff and all before you find out which turn you take after the 1st Presbyterian church. Also if you think someone speaking English loudly at an acoustic gig is bit rude.. then someone speaking Glossolalia could easily drive you to an apparently well deserved murder.

Irish:
When an entire nation is forced to learn a language, you would image that it would catch on pretty quick. WRONG! it appears there is nothing the Irish people hate more than being told what to know. This means that only 300,000 from the 4 million forced to learn it can actually speak it. this language would win hands down as the best indie language if it wasn't for the fact that every Irish person in the country would be simultaneously mobilized to learn the language in an instant if anyone from Europe so much as muttered "maybe you guy shouldn't bother learning Irish"

Indie-an:
Developed by the Dublin City University Head of Indie, The Right Honourable Professor Carrie King, this language is for true Indie folk. Words and letters are formed by the names and release dates of various Indie albums/songs. I.e. (Each one stands for a different character. Hello= ). Thus, one is able to assess the Indie cred of another Indie peer, under the guise of frivolous chit-chat. The more Indie knowledge you possess, the bigger is your Indie-an vocabulary. Thus, this can be related directly back to Noam Chomsky's "Vocabulary Theory". Instead of being a measure of intelligence, it weighs up Indie.

interpretative dance:
probably the only time you can legitimately say "i don't have enough space to answer your question".. assuming you have enough space to say it.